I’ve created a page for my blog on Facebook, so if you enjoy reading about what I have to say, go and find me there at Twin Mum Tales.
Will be sharing more posts, thoughts and stories on my Facebook page and would love to connect with other twin moms and mommies in general on Facebook and on my blog, so don’t be shy, like my page on FB!
Recently, a girl I was at school with died of cancer. I wasn’t particularly close to her, and actually haven’t even seen her in the almost 20 years since I finished school. But we were friends on Facebook so I followed her life story and enjoyed her updates as she adventured around the world and eventually settled in Sydney. She fought a long battle with the horrid disease and just when I thought she had won, I heard that she passed away.
I have realised that her death has affected me more than I expected. There is something so tragic about a person dying young. She was only in her mid-30s. It’s not right that a woman, who should be enjoying the best years of her life, is taken so soon.
She was a vibrant and happy personality and, despite all that she suffered, she always had a smile and positive attitude. After the news of her passing, her FB page was filled with posts about what a wonderful person she was and so many people shared stories and photos about her and spoke of how much they would miss her.
This really has made me wonder about my own life and what people would say about me when I died. Would there be those scores of people writing lovely posts about me on social media? What would they actually remember most about me? What significance have I contributed to society? What do I really mean to those around me? Who am I, really?
This may seem a bit melodramatic, but sometimes it’s good to question these things. Put life into perspective. Remind yourself of who you are, where you are going and what you really want out of your time on this earth. As I’ve seen more often than not recently, life is precious and we’ve only got one life to live, so make the most of it.
RIP Faith. You were an inspiration to us all!
One of the most fascinating, yet often the trickiest, aspects of raising twins is nurturing their individuality. It can be quite a challenge having two little humans in the house who are exactly the same age and experience the exact same things, yet they respond to or are affected totally differently by what is happening around them.
Recently this topic came up as part of the conversation in the one twin mother’s groups that I belong to. A mom complained how members of her family kept comparing her twins and commenting on their differences. The other moms all started comparing notes on how people are always commenting on things like how one baby’s gross motor skills are so much more developed than the other, and how one twin has been labelled grumpy and the other a little socialite. If these were two siblings born a few years apart, these differences would not even be noticed. But because they are twins, it’s these comparisons that, I guess, even as parents we make as well. It’s really hard not to compare, but when you’re a parent and someone else starts commenting on this, it does get annoying, and it makes you even more determined to demonstrate that they are unique and their development is quite where it should be.
I guess there is something to be said about nature versus nurture in such a scenario. In our case, our girls are treated equally, yet they are not treated the same. This may sound like a contradiction, but I say this because they have totally different personalities and often respond quite differently to the same situation. For example, I recently started working part time, and when I leave for work in the morning HJ will scream hysterically and is quite distraught when I leave, while her sister doesn’t even blink an eye lid, often waving to me with a sweet “bye bye”. Both these responses have a devastating effect on me. I feel sad that my one little girl is so upset that I’m going, and on the other hand I feel sad that my other little girl is not phased at all that mommy is going away for the day.
I love them equally, I spend as much time with the one as I do with the other, and yet my leaving in the morning affects them totally differently. HJ has always been a lot more clingy than AG. AG is our little miss independent. While HJ likes to sit on my lap and play with her toys, AG will quite happily sit on the other side of the room and page through a book on her own. But while AG can sit for ages in one spot doing one activity, HJ has a much shorter attention span and will eventually move off my lap in pursuit of other fun. These basic differences in their social interactions with me has made me even more conscious of how I treat them and even more determined to ensure that I spend equal amounts of quality time with both of them, engaging in worthwhile activities that enhance and nurture their differences.
For me, when I look at my girls, I see two totally different little people. For one thing, they are not identical twins – they look quite different – different hair colour, different eye colour etc. They are just two siblings who happen to share a birthday. And I think this is an important attitude to have. While they may be a little team and will always be seen as “the twins”, or little gangsters, as we sometimes refer to them, they are completely individual little people and need to be nurtured in a way that will always recognise this.
It’s just so interesting to see their little personalities developing, and how they learn and respond to everything around them.
This toddler phase is such a fascinating time of discovery and we are loving seeing our little girls grow, and having so much fun being twin parents.
Isn’t it funny how people always feel the need to comment on which parent a baby looks like. Family members, especially grandparents, seem to be the biggest culprits. It’s like they must demonstrate some kind of claim to the child by saying that he/she looks just like their daddy, or someone else in their family.
They say that genetically there is some truth to this, that babies when they’re born look like their fathers. Apparently it’s some primal way for the father to be sure that the child is his, and thus he can bond with it.
It just drives me mad that no one can see anything of me in my girls. This was especially the case when they were born and it was all “oh they look just like their daddy!”. I mean, I only carried them for nine (well in my case seven) months. I went through all the pain of labour and giving birth, and the first words out MIL’s mouth is “they look just like daddy”. This unfortunately went on for many months and, in fact, 18 months later, she still goes on about this. Ok, yes, there may be something about an expression they pull that comes from their daddy, and I suppose I can’t complain about that really, he is a handsome chap after all! But, the other day, someone commented how HJ looks just like her grandfather! Um, excuse me, why would you want to tell me that my little girl looks like a 68-year old man, really, really???
They’re beautiful little girls, and I honestly don’t think they look like anybody but themselves. HJ looks like HJ and AG looks like AG. They are uniquely themselves!
Ok, rant over….
Cape Town – arguably one of the most beautiful cities in the world. This is my home. This is a city I love.
But it’s with a sad heart that I write this post. So many terrible and shocking things have happened here in the past few weeks. The crime and violence against women, in particular, has reached such a terrible peak. Two incidents have especially highlighted this: A 15-year old girl was raped and murdered while out jogging in Tokai forest, while another teenager was raped and murdered and her naked body found in the public toilets of Kayelitsha. Similarly, a young women was raped and held captive in Newlands forest. This after a string of rapes and reported acts of sexual assault against UCT students near Rhodes Memorial.
The places where these crimes have taken place are all areas that IP and I, as avid hikers, have enjoyed visiting over the years, and we regularly have taken our dog, and even our little girls, walking in these forests and on the mountain side. But now, we live in fear of going there.
How can we call Cape Town a beautiful city, when it has been tarnished by such ugliness? What is the point saying we live in an amazing city, when we are increasingly being denied the ability to enjoy the beauty around us due to the violence and crime taking hold? It is so sad that this violence has tarnished it. But, it’s also sad that this is a reflection of our society in general. A society that lives in fear – fear of violence, fear of crime, fear of hijacking, fear of other people. We live behind high walls and security gates. Yet even these are not a deterrence – just last night thieves lifted the front gate of our complex right off its hinges (an extremely heavy, massive gate, I might add!) and stole our neighbour’s car.
How do we sleep at night knowing such things are happening right in the very place where we should feel most safe – our home? How do we raise two girls to feel safe and secure in such a violent and careless society? How do we live a normal life in a country that doesn’t even blink when its very own president is a thief and liar? These are serious questions that IP and I have been asking ourselves, and we as parents need to make some important decisions about our future in this city, and indeed this country. We know the grass is not always greener on the other side of the pond, but, from where we’re sitting, it sure looks a hell of a lot safer!
So IP, aka daddy and husband, is back home from his business trip tomorrow. It’s a frequent occurrence in our house – daddy off on a business trip, leavi
ng mommy to play the single parent game. He’s a regional manager for the Sub-Saharan and Indian Ocean islands region for a large international company, so it means lots of trips around the region. He loves his job and he’s damn good at what he does, and I don’t begrudge him for that. But, it does make life a little bit more complicated having two toddlers in the house and no grannies or close family nearby.
Once upon a time, I used to love IP going on the occasional business trip. This was a time before there were kids in the equation. Then, it would be a time for me to catch up with my girlfriends, have some frozen margaritas at Fat Cactus, or pizza and vino at Borusso’s, and just have a great catch up. It would be a time where I got to hold the remote and watch exactly what I wanted on TV and, if I didn’t feel like cooking, well then toast it would be. But, life sure has changed since then. A dog and two babies later, and a whole lot more responsibility has landed on my lap.
Bath and bed time is the most challenging on my own and HJ and AG, our 18-month-old twins, sure do like to challenge me in this department. They definitely are testing out the boundaries of my tolerance levels. Lately, I’m lucky if I get them down at the same time by 8pm. But once they’re down, finally, this mommy has some down time. With a glass of wine in hand, I sit writing this post, and eagerly await daddy’s return after another challenging fight to get two toddlers to sleep
I guess the title says it all…today I’ve decided to start a blog…
Who am I? Well, I’m a wife and I’m a mom of twin girls.
I suppose these are the two titles that describe my current roles in life. In a previous life (aka before the twins arrived) I was an editor, researcher, writer, and, in yet another previous life, I was a political risk analyst and a student of international relations…my how life has changed!
For the past 18 months I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). Being a SAHM can be a lonely journey of endless hours at home alone with two little ones, where the day consists of nappies, bottles, vomit, nap times and, if you’re lucky, a shower and a cup of tea. Of course it’s also full of lots of baby cuddles, sweet smiles and precious moments with my girls. But besides the odd phone call from mom/granny and hubby, and a few whatsapp chats with friends, conversation is limited and you find there is really no one to talk to. So…I guess this blog is a means for me to have some more conversation with the outside world. I’d love to share my experiences, perhaps impart some knowledge, be creative, and perhaps occasionally have a little rant…
twinmumtales 