Surviving an international flight with twin toddlers

IMG-20160727-WA0018So we did it – we survived our first overseas holiday with the twins. I’ll admit, I was terrified before we left, but the girls were amazing. They surprised me at every turn, and despite some rough nights of very little sleep we had a fantastic family holiday. The girls, especially, had a blast.

My brother and sister both live in Perth, so we decided that before the twins turned two we would take advantage of the reduced airfare and hop on a plane to Australia. I’ve come to realise that many people thought we were nuts! But there is one thing that IP and I have not done since we had our twins, and that’s let having kids stop us from living life. Ever since they were very little we’ve always gotten out and about on weekends, gone shopping, eaten out at restaurants and had lots of other random adventures along the way. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve still always been very strict with our routine with them – we’d have gone mad if we weren’t – but we try have as much fun as we can as a family, and expose them to as many new and exciting experiences as we can.

The thing that terrified me the most before we left was the prospect of having to sit on an airplane for up to 12 hours with two very active toddlers. But, mercifully, it was a night time flight, so promptly on take-off we gave them a bottle and they both fell asleep straight away – giving mommy and daddy a few hours of peace – or at least as much peace as one can have with a toddler sleeping on your lap. We were also very fortunate to travel in a little bit of style – thanks to IP’s frequent flyer miles, we were able to sit in the slow lounge before take-off, so no running around a busy airport after two little monkeys – we could sit back a little in the confines of the lounge and enjoy our free snacks and drinks on comfy couches.

I imagine everyone’s experiences of international travel are different, ranging from fantastic to disastrous, but I thought I’d share a few things that I’ve learnt about flying with toddlers:

If you can, try get the bulkhead seats as this gives you loads of leg room, and when the kids are awake, and provided the seat belt sign is off, they’re able to sit on the floor at your feet and play or read a book, so they’re not confined to sitting on your lap the whole time. BUT – as we soon learnt – the bulkhead is not always ideal because if there is an empty seat next to you in the bulkhead area it’s kind of wasted as you can’t lift the arm rests to let your baby sleep across two chairs because the tray table and in-flight entertainment screen is stored in the arm rest – as opposed to other chairs where these would be attached to the seat in front of you. So even though we had lots of room, we were a bit frustrated by not being able to lift the arm rests.

Don’t drug your kids if you don’t have to. I was not keen to give the girls any medicines to make them drowsy for the flight. We had a two-hour flight between Cape Town and Johannesburg before the main flight from Joburg to Perth, so we decided to test it out first and see how the girls responded to the flight, and especially the take-off and landing. They were absolutely fine – no screaming or obvious pain from the pressure – so we decided not to medicate them for the next flight, and I’m pretty glad we didn’t have to do that, as they were fine. The only real screaming we had was in the last minutes of the flight when HJ got very restless as she had to sit on my lap for landing and she wanted to run around so she was very frustrated.

People will be kinder and more accommodating than you expect. And if your kids need to run around a bit – let them! Toddlers were not made to sit still for so many hours, so they need to get moving every now and then. HJ loved walking up and down the aisle, and it was so sweet to watch her come out her shell and stop to talk to other passengers along the way. The other travellers also seemed to enjoy chatting to the girls and even indulged them with a few games of peek-a-boo.

Pack lots of snacks. We all know that aeroplane food is not the best, but SAA totally outdid themselves in the ridiculous and revolting food department. I pre-booked a kiddies meal for each of my girls. Well, when the food arrived I was horrified to discover it was two jars of purity baby puree! I promptly sent it right back. My girls are almost two and eat what we eat, they’re too old for puree. I was even more horrified on the flight home when the steward presented us with two pouches of FROZEN baby purees. Seriously? Fortunately I had packed lots of snacks for them, and they shared our meal, so we were all well fed.

Before you go, make up a little goodie bag with some new toys and activities for your kids. My girls enjoyed opening the little pouches I put together and exploring what was inside. Include simple things like little cars and miniature books. A magnetic sketch pad was also a great source of entertainment for them. But it was also the simple things, like paging through the inflight magazine, that they really enjoyed doing. Even the emergency information pamphlet was a hit.

Don’t forget to bring along your kids blankie, or binkie, or whatever it is that gives them comfort at home and keeps them calm. In our case, it’s our girls’ taglets, or taggies as they call them. They have these with them every time they go to sleep, and it was important that they had them with them at all times in such an unfamiliar environment.

Be flexible. It can all be very daunting travelling overseas with toddlers, but the most important thing is to be flexible, and you have to develop a thick skin, and not worry about what other people think. Like when your kid is having a whopping tantrum, as AJ did when she wasn’t able to push her own pram through the airport. It’s so hard when you can feel every eye in the airport on you, but you just have to carry on – you just have to smile and wave people, smile and wave!

You have to have patience with your kids, even though it’s so difficult sometimes. You have to realise that they are in a totally new environment. An airport and a plane can be a strange and scary space for a little one, with all the new sights and sounds. So be calm with them, be patient, be kind, and expect the unexpected.

If you’re thinking about an overseas adventure with your kids, just do it! Don’t let fear stop you. We had such a wonderful holiday, and we’re so glad that we took the plunge and just did it!

I’m looking forward to sharing more of our adventures in Perth with you soon, so watch this space!

If I don’t laugh I may just cry

There are times in your parenting journey when you just have to laugh at things, laugh out loud from the belly, because if you don’t, you may just cry or end up going totally insane.

I’ve had a few of these moments over the last week, and even thinking back now as I write this I’m having a little chuckle.

It’s been a tough few days in our house with the girls both teething, and now they both have a cold. The nights have been particularly trying when we often have two screaming toddlers who take ages to settle back down again. So needless to say, there has been very little sleep for anyone in this household over the past week. The lack of sleep obviously adds to the general grumpy atmosphere and of course the smallest thing can turn into a big drama.

Added to this we’ve had a sick dog, first with a bladder infection, so she was peeing in the house, and now she’s been puking in the house…oh the joys!!

The defining moment of our crazy week happened on Sunday, when Chelsea, our pet Labrador, puked on one of my favourite sandals…while my foot was still in it! I screeched so loud that the neighbours must have thought I was being murdered. Both girls got such a fright that they also started screaming hysterically. IP came running downstairs to see what was going on and took one look at the scene and burst out laughing, and in my hysterical state I actually burst out laughing too. It was one of those crazy moments, which almost took place in slow action replay, and thinking back now I can only laugh out loud.

Parenting is this crazy, happy, maddening journey, and the bumps along the way shouldn’t be what defines our experiences, but should sometimes rather be moments that we can look back on and have a chuckle about, rather than shed a tear.

I’ve been trying to look on the bright side as much as possible lately. It’s not always easy, but for the sake of my kids I have to parent positively. I have to see the good, not always the bad. I know the next few days will be tough as IP is away on another business trip, and there have already been a few crazy moments as I tred along the single parent path for a few days.

Yesterday, as I removed AG’s nappy, and before I could put a fresh one on, she peed all over my brand new duvet cover. And as she peed she proudly pronounced “wee wee”. I didn’t know whether to be upset that she had just messed on the bed or super proud that she actually told me that she was doing it.

I guess it’s just another moment that I have to look back on and laugh about.

Parenting with a positive attitude

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I read a great article the other day about how a stranger’s comment changed the way one mom parents, and it really got me thinking about my own role as a mother and how I view or react to things.

The writer is a mother of a toddler and a newborn and she writes about how, when walking past an older couple on the beach, while juggling all the toys and kids and trying to convince an unhappy two-year old that it was time to leave, the man comments about those where the days, obviously reminiscing about his own past as a parent of littlies. It made her stop and think about how she views being a parent, and that through all the hardships she encourages us to also remember the good side and savour the amazing experiences with our little ones.

Being a parent is super hard work, especially with twins, but there is also so much beauty in it, and often I think we get so bogged down in the details and the hard slog that we forget to look at the positive and happy side. Our twins girls are now 20 months old, and this is such a fun age. Every day is a new discovery or a new word said, and it is just so sweet to watch them as they interact with each other. I especially enjoy observing them when they’re not aware that I’m around, as this is when they truly come out of their little shell and play so beautifully together. From the screeches and giggles as they chase each other around the lounge, to how they insist on swapping their tooth brushes with each other every time we’re done brushing teeth, to the way they’re always sitting or lying on the floor or couch together, the bond between them is so strong, and it’s a privilege to see.

I just love being a parent, but admittedly, it’s taken me a long time to finally get to this point. The last few days have been especially difficult as IP is away on a business trip and I’ve been doing this parent thing all on my own. I’m exhausted, but every day I choose to see the positive, and just in the last week they have already changed so much, and it’s getting easier as we find our own rhythm. I am just loving this stage of their development and it’s been so fun to watch, and capture these moments on camera to send to daddy. They have really made me laugh over the last few days; if nothing else, it’s been very entertaining.

I’m sure there will be more dark days to come, and more sleepless nights and crazy moments, but I’m so grateful that God chose me to be a twin mom, and today I choose to remember the good times, savour the precious moments, and parent positively!

Read more about the ten things I love about being a mother.

Some days I just want to shop in peace

I don’t think I will ever get used to the attention I get when I am out in public with my twin girls. I recently wrote about this in the five most annoying questions for twin parents.

When I commented in a recent Facebook post that I was so sick of all the attention I receive when I’m out with my girls, someone commented that maybe  I need to adjust my attitude about this and that people are just coming from a good place of interest and looking at two pretty little girls. Hhmm…it’s all well and good for someone to say this when they have never been subjected to all the attention and constant comments and questions. You know what, some days I just want to shop in peace!

Sure, my kids are pretty and people will look as I push a big double pram around. But, honestly, I don’t understand the fascination. It’s not a freak show and we’re not a travelling circus. For one thing, twins are a lot more common these days, and there are plenty around, so it’s not exactly some weird phenomenon. Believe me, I’m not ungrateful to have these kids, and this is why this person’s comment really annoyed me, as they were implying I should almost be grateful for the attention. But people just seem to know no boundaries. I just want to do my shopping, get what I need and go home. I don’t want to be stopped every few minutes to answer random silly questions, or hear mutters of “oh, you must have your hands full” or “double trouble”. How am I even supposed to respond to this? Sometimes I politely smile and move on, other days I just completely ignore it, but, then there are other days when I seriously just want to throw out a sarcastic response or punch the next person who comments.

It can be exhausting, and I guess I kind of know now how a celebrity must feel, with people constantly in their face and wanting to know their business. Often we comment that they wanted to be famous, so they shouldn’t complain, but, honestly, I feel sorry for them (unless they’re a Kardashian, I don’t feel sorry for them!).

I think only another parent of multiples will truly understand where I’m coming from. I’d love to hear other twin mom’s thoughts, so leave a comment if you care to share…

Ten things I love about being a mother

beingamomI was recently asked what my favourite thing about being a mom was. I really had to think about this, as there are so many things that I love about being a mom, it’s impossible to just name one.

I could go on and on but here are ten things (some simple, some more meaningful) that I love about being a mom.

1) I love it when I come home and my two little girls come running to the front door with their arms held high shouting “mommy!” I have to pick them both up and for at least ten minutes they won’t let me put them down. There is such joy in their faces when they see me, and in that moment I feel so loved and cherished. I’m their mommy and I’m home.

2) I love watching and listening to them when they don’t even realise I’m there or observing them. Their little voices as they chatter away to each other, play with their toys and share their grapes with each other, is just so sweet.

3) I love looking at my children and seeing the amazing combination of my husband and I – knowing that they are half of me and half of him combined into these little humans, is just incredible.

4) I look at them and see the miracle of faith and hope – after the heartache of infertility, I know, without a doubt, that God heard us and answered our prayers.

5) I love seeing my children interacting with their daddy. I love watching how their faces light up when they see him. I love seeing him play with them, chase them round the house and throw them into the air and engulf them in big daddy hugs.

6) I am grateful that my girls have such an amazing father. A man who is firm in his faith and his discipline, yet a softy at heart who adores his children.

7) I love the feeling of my little girl’s arms around my neck, or her head resting on my chest. That contentment of baby cuddles is the best feeling in the whole world.

8) I love watching my girls interact with our pet Labrador. Our Chelsea dog is the most gentle soul and so patient with the girls. They love giving her cuddles and sitting next to her on the floor, and she definitely loves all the extra attention.

9) I love seeing my girls’ personalities develop. They are so different to each other and this toddler age is filled with adventure and discovery. Every day brings something new.

10) I love being out and about with my kids. And although the extra attention pushing a double pram around can be annoying, I am proud to be with my little ones, and beam when I have comments like “What beautiful little girls!” I certainly agree; they are beautiful children!

The five most annoying questions for twin parents

There is one thing that I think I will never get used to as a twin mom, and that is all the attention I get when I take my girls out in public. Pushing a twin pram around immediately garners a lot of interest from strangers, and with that comes a lot of stupid comments and even more stupid questions.

cropped-20150704_0839281.jpgI’m more of an introvert and quite a private person by nature, so having strangers come up to me, commenting about my children and asking me many personal questions is something that I really get tired of, and one of the reasons that I now try to avoid even making eye contact with anyone when out with the kids.

It’s almost like people don’t know what to say, but they feel that they must say something just for the sake of it.

Here are the five most annoying questions I get asked on an almost daily basis:

Are they twins?

Um, well, I am pushing around a double pram with two children the exact same size, who are dressed the same…yes, I think they just might be…

Is it a boy and a girl?

Ok, I’m all for being gender neutral and not labelling kids by the colour or style of their clothing, but when my two girls (who definitely look like girls!) are wearing matching pink dresses and someone asks me if they are a boy and a girl, well….really?

Are they identical?

HJ has very light, almost white, blond, straight hair and blue eyes, while AG has dark, almost red, curly hair and green eyes. Are you blind? Um, no, they are not identical, you silly woman!

Did you know you were having twins?

Um, what century do we live in? Of course I knew there were two babies inside me.

Are there twins in your family?

What does it matter if there are twins in my family? This is just someone’s ridiculous, and not so subtle, way of trying to find out if my twins were “naturally” conceived. And, yes, there are twins in my family now!

Raising twins: same same, but different

One of the most fascinating, yet often the trickiest, aspects of raising twins is nurturing their individuality. It can be quite a challenge having two little humans in the house who are exactly the same age and experience the exact same things, yet they respond to or are affected totally differently by what is happening around them.

20140426_160911.jpgRecently this topic came up as part of the conversation in the one twin mother’s groups that I belong to. A mom complained how members of her family kept comparing her twins and commenting on their differences. The other moms all started comparing notes on how people are always commenting on things like how one baby’s gross motor skills are so much more developed than the other,  and how one twin has been labelled grumpy and the other a little socialite. If these were two siblings born a few years apart, these differences would not even be noticed. But because they are twins, it’s these comparisons that, I guess, even as parents we make as well. It’s really hard not to compare, but when you’re a parent and someone else starts commenting on this, it does get annoying, and it makes you even more determined to demonstrate that they are unique and their development is quite where it should be.

I guess there is something to be said about nature versus nurture in such a scenario. In our case, our girls are treated equally, yet they are not treated the same. This may sound like a contradiction, but I say this because they have totally different personalities and often respond quite differently to the same situation. For example, I recently started working part time, and when I leave for work in the morning HJ will scream hysterically and is quite distraught when I leave, while her sister doesn’t even blink an eye lid, often waving to me with a sweet “bye bye”. Both these responses have a devastating effect on me. I feel sad that my one little girl is so upset that I’m going, and on the other hand I feel sad that my other little girl is not phased at all that mommy is going away for the day.

I love them equally, I spend as much time with the one as I do with the other, and yet my leaving in the morning affects them totally differently. HJ has always been a lot more clingy than AG. AG is our little miss independent. While HJ likes to sit on my lap and play with her toys, AG will quite happily sit on the other side of the room and page through a book on her own. But while AG can sit for ages in one spot doing one activity, HJ has a much shorter attention span and will eventually move off my lap in pursuit of other fun. These basic differences in their social interactions with me has made me even more conscious of how I treat them and even more determined to ensure that I spend equal amounts of quality time with both of them, engaging in worthwhile activities that enhance and nurture their differences.

For me, when I look at my girls, I see two totally different little people. For one thing, they are not identical twins – they look quite different – different hair colour, different eye colour etc. They are just two siblings who happen to share a birthday. And I think this is an important attitude to have. While they may be a little team and will always be seen as “the twins”, or little gangsters, as we sometimes refer to them, they are completely individual little people and need to be nurtured in a way that will always recognise this.

It’s just so interesting to see their little personalities developing, and how they learn and respond to everything around them.

This toddler phase is such a fascinating time of discovery and we are loving seeing our little girls grow, and having so much fun being twin parents.