Mommy is at breaking point

Today I feel completely defeated, deflated, exhausted, finished, and kaput!

I suppose it’s partly just that time of year, but it’s more than that…

Being a parent is hard work, and being a parent of twins is harder still.

Trying to parent while working, buying a new house, planning a move to a new town, and maintaining a marriage is even harder. But I guess this is all just part of life and being a grown up, and I know I should just stop complaining about these things, because actually, they’re all my biggest blessings – my children, my husband, and our new adventure in a new town to look forward to. But I’m tired, and sometimes it’s all just a bit much to deal with. Sometimes I just don’t want to be a grown up for a little while.

Right now I feel like I’m trapped in this crazy, sleepless, frustrating world of toddler-dom. Having two two-year olds who fight me every night at bed time, and who just want me all the time at the same time throughout the night is exhausting.

I’m not complaining about my children wanting me, I’m their mother, after all, and of course I want them to want me, and I will always be there for them. But sometimes I also just need a break. I just wish I could tuck them into bed and they’ll roll over and actually go to sleep and then wake up happily the next morning after sleeping through the whole night. But alas, that’s not what’s happening in this house at the moment and it’s really starting to take its toll on all of us. Both girls are fighting bed time with all their might and it’s become a joint effort for them to see who can scream for mommy the loudest. And then they’re both waking up at least once in the night, with HJ refusing to go back to sleep in her own bed once she’s awake, so she ends up in our bed or in the spare room bed, and AG wants me to stay with her in her bed if she wakes in the night, so I end up going from one room to another in a silly game of musical beds for most of the night

And I’ve started screaming back. I’ve become this horrible dragon mom who I really don’t like very much right now. And what’s worse, I’ve become this horrible dragon wife who I like even less.

It’s all just too much at the moment and I feel like I’m at a breaking point.

I do believe it might be time to call in the reinforcements. It might be time to get in a sleep trainer. We have to do something, because something needs to change. We can’t keep running on this never-ending treadmill of craziness.

I’m sure one day we will look back and laugh at it all, but not today, today I just want to cry.

Here’s hoping things get better soon…cos this mommy is sooooooo tired.

Two toddlers, one mommy – how do I split myself in half?

It’s been a tough few weeks in our house as both our girls are going through a rather clingy phase where they both just want mommy, and they both just want mommy all the time, at the same time.

I’m sure many other twin moms will understand how this goes – it’s something we’ve had to deal with right from the beginning – having two little babies at the same time and trying to balance our time and attention for both of them. I think this is one of the most challenging aspects of being a parent of multiples, and I’ve especially felt it over the last few weeks with my two toddlers.

It all started when we were on holiday in Australia last month, and I think they were feeling rather insecure being in a strange environment with lots of strange people, and naturally they clung to their mommy. But ever since we’ve been back it seems to have gotten worse and they’ve become more demanding in their quest for my attention. The girls moved from their cots into single beds a couple of weeks ago, and I think this has also been a major contributing factor at the moment.

It’s been very trying for both IP and I, as it’s exhausting for me to be in such demand all the time and it’s difficult for him not to be able to help in any meaningful way because they don’t want him, especially in the middle of the night. They’ll happily spend time with daddy and play with him during the day, but when it comes to bed time and waking in the night, they just want mommy. This has been when all hell breaks loose because they’ve been waking each other up in the night, and then they both want me to lie on their bed with them. So I am constantly going from one bed to the next to try comfort them, and they will both scream if I am sitting on the other’s bed, and if I pick one up and sit with her on the other’s bed then they both get even more upset and scream at each other.

It’s heart-breaking not being able to adequately see to both my children’s needs at the same time when they seem to be feeling so insecure and just really want their mommy.  The situation is exacerbated by my absolute exhaustion and dwindling patience, and there have been a few times when I’ve felt like I was going to lose the plot completely.

It’s emotionally and physically exhausting, and we really are hoping things will settle again soon.

Have any other multiple moms experienced this? Would love to hear some insights!

Today our twins are TWO!!!

Today marks a very special day for us as we celebrate the second birthday of AG and HJ!

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Wow, I can’t believe how time has flown and we have officially survived the first two years with twins. It’s been tough, it’s been scary, it’s been fun, it’s been frustrating, it’s been crazy, it’s been wonderful, it’s been an adventure!

There have been many tears, but also many laughs, and even though the last two years have been the most challenging that IP and I have faced together, I think we’ve come out stronger than ever. I reckon if a marriage can survive the first two years of twins, it can survive a life time!

Looking back over the last two years, I have much to reflect on and there are so many memories flooding back; from our first month in the NICU with our 32-weekers, to the first steps, the first words, the first time my little girls put their arms around me, to just recently when they started saying “wuff you mommy”. Well, I love you too my girls!

You have turned our world inside out and upside down, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HJ AND AG! MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE YOU VERY, VERY MUCH!!!

Surviving an international flight with twin toddlers

IMG-20160727-WA0018So we did it – we survived our first overseas holiday with the twins. I’ll admit, I was terrified before we left, but the girls were amazing. They surprised me at every turn, and despite some rough nights of very little sleep we had a fantastic family holiday. The girls, especially, had a blast.

My brother and sister both live in Perth, so we decided that before the twins turned two we would take advantage of the reduced airfare and hop on a plane to Australia. I’ve come to realise that many people thought we were nuts! But there is one thing that IP and I have not done since we had our twins, and that’s let having kids stop us from living life. Ever since they were very little we’ve always gotten out and about on weekends, gone shopping, eaten out at restaurants and had lots of other random adventures along the way. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve still always been very strict with our routine with them – we’d have gone mad if we weren’t – but we try have as much fun as we can as a family, and expose them to as many new and exciting experiences as we can.

The thing that terrified me the most before we left was the prospect of having to sit on an airplane for up to 12 hours with two very active toddlers. But, mercifully, it was a night time flight, so promptly on take-off we gave them a bottle and they both fell asleep straight away – giving mommy and daddy a few hours of peace – or at least as much peace as one can have with a toddler sleeping on your lap. We were also very fortunate to travel in a little bit of style – thanks to IP’s frequent flyer miles, we were able to sit in the slow lounge before take-off, so no running around a busy airport after two little monkeys – we could sit back a little in the confines of the lounge and enjoy our free snacks and drinks on comfy couches.

I imagine everyone’s experiences of international travel are different, ranging from fantastic to disastrous, but I thought I’d share a few things that I’ve learnt about flying with toddlers:

If you can, try get the bulkhead seats as this gives you loads of leg room, and when the kids are awake, and provided the seat belt sign is off, they’re able to sit on the floor at your feet and play or read a book, so they’re not confined to sitting on your lap the whole time. BUT – as we soon learnt – the bulkhead is not always ideal because if there is an empty seat next to you in the bulkhead area it’s kind of wasted as you can’t lift the arm rests to let your baby sleep across two chairs because the tray table and in-flight entertainment screen is stored in the arm rest – as opposed to other chairs where these would be attached to the seat in front of you. So even though we had lots of room, we were a bit frustrated by not being able to lift the arm rests.

Don’t drug your kids if you don’t have to. I was not keen to give the girls any medicines to make them drowsy for the flight. We had a two-hour flight between Cape Town and Johannesburg before the main flight from Joburg to Perth, so we decided to test it out first and see how the girls responded to the flight, and especially the take-off and landing. They were absolutely fine – no screaming or obvious pain from the pressure – so we decided not to medicate them for the next flight, and I’m pretty glad we didn’t have to do that, as they were fine. The only real screaming we had was in the last minutes of the flight when HJ got very restless as she had to sit on my lap for landing and she wanted to run around so she was very frustrated.

People will be kinder and more accommodating than you expect. And if your kids need to run around a bit – let them! Toddlers were not made to sit still for so many hours, so they need to get moving every now and then. HJ loved walking up and down the aisle, and it was so sweet to watch her come out her shell and stop to talk to other passengers along the way. The other travellers also seemed to enjoy chatting to the girls and even indulged them with a few games of peek-a-boo.

Pack lots of snacks. We all know that aeroplane food is not the best, but SAA totally outdid themselves in the ridiculous and revolting food department. I pre-booked a kiddies meal for each of my girls. Well, when the food arrived I was horrified to discover it was two jars of purity baby puree! I promptly sent it right back. My girls are almost two and eat what we eat, they’re too old for puree. I was even more horrified on the flight home when the steward presented us with two pouches of FROZEN baby purees. Seriously? Fortunately I had packed lots of snacks for them, and they shared our meal, so we were all well fed.

Before you go, make up a little goodie bag with some new toys and activities for your kids. My girls enjoyed opening the little pouches I put together and exploring what was inside. Include simple things like little cars and miniature books. A magnetic sketch pad was also a great source of entertainment for them. But it was also the simple things, like paging through the inflight magazine, that they really enjoyed doing. Even the emergency information pamphlet was a hit.

Don’t forget to bring along your kids blankie, or binkie, or whatever it is that gives them comfort at home and keeps them calm. In our case, it’s our girls’ taglets, or taggies as they call them. They have these with them every time they go to sleep, and it was important that they had them with them at all times in such an unfamiliar environment.

Be flexible. It can all be very daunting travelling overseas with toddlers, but the most important thing is to be flexible, and you have to develop a thick skin, and not worry about what other people think. Like when your kid is having a whopping tantrum, as AJ did when she wasn’t able to push her own pram through the airport. It’s so hard when you can feel every eye in the airport on you, but you just have to carry on – you just have to smile and wave people, smile and wave!

You have to have patience with your kids, even though it’s so difficult sometimes. You have to realise that they are in a totally new environment. An airport and a plane can be a strange and scary space for a little one, with all the new sights and sounds. So be calm with them, be patient, be kind, and expect the unexpected.

If you’re thinking about an overseas adventure with your kids, just do it! Don’t let fear stop you. We had such a wonderful holiday, and we’re so glad that we took the plunge and just did it!

I’m looking forward to sharing more of our adventures in Perth with you soon, so watch this space!

If I don’t laugh I may just cry

There are times in your parenting journey when you just have to laugh at things, laugh out loud from the belly, because if you don’t, you may just cry or end up going totally insane.

I’ve had a few of these moments over the last week, and even thinking back now as I write this I’m having a little chuckle.

It’s been a tough few days in our house with the girls both teething, and now they both have a cold. The nights have been particularly trying when we often have two screaming toddlers who take ages to settle back down again. So needless to say, there has been very little sleep for anyone in this household over the past week. The lack of sleep obviously adds to the general grumpy atmosphere and of course the smallest thing can turn into a big drama.

Added to this we’ve had a sick dog, first with a bladder infection, so she was peeing in the house, and now she’s been puking in the house…oh the joys!!

The defining moment of our crazy week happened on Sunday, when Chelsea, our pet Labrador, puked on one of my favourite sandals…while my foot was still in it! I screeched so loud that the neighbours must have thought I was being murdered. Both girls got such a fright that they also started screaming hysterically. IP came running downstairs to see what was going on and took one look at the scene and burst out laughing, and in my hysterical state I actually burst out laughing too. It was one of those crazy moments, which almost took place in slow action replay, and thinking back now I can only laugh out loud.

Parenting is this crazy, happy, maddening journey, and the bumps along the way shouldn’t be what defines our experiences, but should sometimes rather be moments that we can look back on and have a chuckle about, rather than shed a tear.

I’ve been trying to look on the bright side as much as possible lately. It’s not always easy, but for the sake of my kids I have to parent positively. I have to see the good, not always the bad. I know the next few days will be tough as IP is away on another business trip, and there have already been a few crazy moments as I tred along the single parent path for a few days.

Yesterday, as I removed AG’s nappy, and before I could put a fresh one on, she peed all over my brand new duvet cover. And as she peed she proudly pronounced “wee wee”. I didn’t know whether to be upset that she had just messed on the bed or super proud that she actually told me that she was doing it.

I guess it’s just another moment that I have to look back on and laugh about.

My week: the good and the bad

It’s been a real week of contrasts in our household, with really great experiences interspersed with really frustrating moments.

These were the two highlights of my week:

IP is home now from his business trip and we got to spend a whole day together, just the two of us, without the kids. We went to the Waterfront, one of our favourite places to meander around, and enjoyed a day of shopping and an awesome sushi lunch. It was so wonderful spending quality time together and being able to just have fun and chat.

I got to have a night off from kiddie bath and bed time, and went out to the movies with some other mommy girlfriends. Appropriately, we watched Mother’s Day. Despite all the negative reviews the movie has received, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was the perfect light-hearted entertainment that us tired mommies needed. It was a wonderful evening, and a much needed night off – in fact, my first mommy night out since the girls were born.

On the flip side…

The girls have been rather miserable, thanks to that horrible monster – MR Teething! HJ has her two bottom eye teeth coming out and, oh boy, have the nights been rough. She wakes up screaming and screaming, and it’s so loud that she wakes her sister up and then we have two screeching babes, and we have to calm them down, which takes forever, and so we have all had very little sleep in this house this week.

Added to this, IP has come down with a terrible case of sinusitis and has spent most of the week in bed. The poor guy has not been a happy chappy, but he was a champ last night, doing bath and bed time on his own so that I could have my night out.

But today is Friday – YAY for the weekend!

Here’s hoping that next week is better – oh wait, daddy is going away on another business trip…hmmm…..ok….I will choose to be positive about this. I’m going to remember my previous post about parenting with a positive attitude.

Yes…I think I can, I know I can, I think I can…

Parenting with a positive attitude

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I read a great article the other day about how a stranger’s comment changed the way one mom parents, and it really got me thinking about my own role as a mother and how I view or react to things.

The writer is a mother of a toddler and a newborn and she writes about how, when walking past an older couple on the beach, while juggling all the toys and kids and trying to convince an unhappy two-year old that it was time to leave, the man comments about those where the days, obviously reminiscing about his own past as a parent of littlies. It made her stop and think about how she views being a parent, and that through all the hardships she encourages us to also remember the good side and savour the amazing experiences with our little ones.

Being a parent is super hard work, especially with twins, but there is also so much beauty in it, and often I think we get so bogged down in the details and the hard slog that we forget to look at the positive and happy side. Our twins girls are now 20 months old, and this is such a fun age. Every day is a new discovery or a new word said, and it is just so sweet to watch them as they interact with each other. I especially enjoy observing them when they’re not aware that I’m around, as this is when they truly come out of their little shell and play so beautifully together. From the screeches and giggles as they chase each other around the lounge, to how they insist on swapping their tooth brushes with each other every time we’re done brushing teeth, to the way they’re always sitting or lying on the floor or couch together, the bond between them is so strong, and it’s a privilege to see.

I just love being a parent, but admittedly, it’s taken me a long time to finally get to this point. The last few days have been especially difficult as IP is away on a business trip and I’ve been doing this parent thing all on my own. I’m exhausted, but every day I choose to see the positive, and just in the last week they have already changed so much, and it’s getting easier as we find our own rhythm. I am just loving this stage of their development and it’s been so fun to watch, and capture these moments on camera to send to daddy. They have really made me laugh over the last few days; if nothing else, it’s been very entertaining.

I’m sure there will be more dark days to come, and more sleepless nights and crazy moments, but I’m so grateful that God chose me to be a twin mom, and today I choose to remember the good times, savour the precious moments, and parent positively!

Read more about the ten things I love about being a mother.

Some days I just want to shop in peace

I don’t think I will ever get used to the attention I get when I am out in public with my twin girls. I recently wrote about this in the five most annoying questions for twin parents.

When I commented in a recent Facebook post that I was so sick of all the attention I receive when I’m out with my girls, someone commented that maybe  I need to adjust my attitude about this and that people are just coming from a good place of interest and looking at two pretty little girls. Hhmm…it’s all well and good for someone to say this when they have never been subjected to all the attention and constant comments and questions. You know what, some days I just want to shop in peace!

Sure, my kids are pretty and people will look as I push a big double pram around. But, honestly, I don’t understand the fascination. It’s not a freak show and we’re not a travelling circus. For one thing, twins are a lot more common these days, and there are plenty around, so it’s not exactly some weird phenomenon. Believe me, I’m not ungrateful to have these kids, and this is why this person’s comment really annoyed me, as they were implying I should almost be grateful for the attention. But people just seem to know no boundaries. I just want to do my shopping, get what I need and go home. I don’t want to be stopped every few minutes to answer random silly questions, or hear mutters of “oh, you must have your hands full” or “double trouble”. How am I even supposed to respond to this? Sometimes I politely smile and move on, other days I just completely ignore it, but, then there are other days when I seriously just want to throw out a sarcastic response or punch the next person who comments.

It can be exhausting, and I guess I kind of know now how a celebrity must feel, with people constantly in their face and wanting to know their business. Often we comment that they wanted to be famous, so they shouldn’t complain, but, honestly, I feel sorry for them (unless they’re a Kardashian, I don’t feel sorry for them!).

I think only another parent of multiples will truly understand where I’m coming from. I’d love to hear other twin mom’s thoughts, so leave a comment if you care to share…

Ten things I love about being a mother

beingamomI was recently asked what my favourite thing about being a mom was. I really had to think about this, as there are so many things that I love about being a mom, it’s impossible to just name one.

I could go on and on but here are ten things (some simple, some more meaningful) that I love about being a mom.

1) I love it when I come home and my two little girls come running to the front door with their arms held high shouting “mommy!” I have to pick them both up and for at least ten minutes they won’t let me put them down. There is such joy in their faces when they see me, and in that moment I feel so loved and cherished. I’m their mommy and I’m home.

2) I love watching and listening to them when they don’t even realise I’m there or observing them. Their little voices as they chatter away to each other, play with their toys and share their grapes with each other, is just so sweet.

3) I love looking at my children and seeing the amazing combination of my husband and I – knowing that they are half of me and half of him combined into these little humans, is just incredible.

4) I look at them and see the miracle of faith and hope – after the heartache of infertility, I know, without a doubt, that God heard us and answered our prayers.

5) I love seeing my children interacting with their daddy. I love watching how their faces light up when they see him. I love seeing him play with them, chase them round the house and throw them into the air and engulf them in big daddy hugs.

6) I am grateful that my girls have such an amazing father. A man who is firm in his faith and his discipline, yet a softy at heart who adores his children.

7) I love the feeling of my little girl’s arms around my neck, or her head resting on my chest. That contentment of baby cuddles is the best feeling in the whole world.

8) I love watching my girls interact with our pet Labrador. Our Chelsea dog is the most gentle soul and so patient with the girls. They love giving her cuddles and sitting next to her on the floor, and she definitely loves all the extra attention.

9) I love seeing my girls’ personalities develop. They are so different to each other and this toddler age is filled with adventure and discovery. Every day brings something new.

10) I love being out and about with my kids. And although the extra attention pushing a double pram around can be annoying, I am proud to be with my little ones, and beam when I have comments like “What beautiful little girls!” I certainly agree; they are beautiful children!

The five most annoying questions for twin parents

There is one thing that I think I will never get used to as a twin mom, and that is all the attention I get when I take my girls out in public. Pushing a twin pram around immediately garners a lot of interest from strangers, and with that comes a lot of stupid comments and even more stupid questions.

cropped-20150704_0839281.jpgI’m more of an introvert and quite a private person by nature, so having strangers come up to me, commenting about my children and asking me many personal questions is something that I really get tired of, and one of the reasons that I now try to avoid even making eye contact with anyone when out with the kids.

It’s almost like people don’t know what to say, but they feel that they must say something just for the sake of it.

Here are the five most annoying questions I get asked on an almost daily basis:

Are they twins?

Um, well, I am pushing around a double pram with two children the exact same size, who are dressed the same…yes, I think they just might be…

Is it a boy and a girl?

Ok, I’m all for being gender neutral and not labelling kids by the colour or style of their clothing, but when my two girls (who definitely look like girls!) are wearing matching pink dresses and someone asks me if they are a boy and a girl, well….really?

Are they identical?

HJ has very light, almost white, blond, straight hair and blue eyes, while AG has dark, almost red, curly hair and green eyes. Are you blind? Um, no, they are not identical, you silly woman!

Did you know you were having twins?

Um, what century do we live in? Of course I knew there were two babies inside me.

Are there twins in your family?

What does it matter if there are twins in my family? This is just someone’s ridiculous, and not so subtle, way of trying to find out if my twins were “naturally” conceived. And, yes, there are twins in my family now!